


I Love You But

by hyukcien



Series: I Love You But [1]
Category: Super Junior
Genre: F/M, Mystery, Thriller, kpop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-14
Updated: 2014-10-30
Packaged: 2018-03-13 14:59:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3386036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyukcien/pseuds/hyukcien





	1. Kangin

 

            “ **If** I tell you what it is, will you still read it?” This is the question I asked Kangin while we were on a car date at the Han River Park.

            It was the middle of the night, starry and cold, even inside the car. Most of our dates have been like since we started going out. He is an idol and idols do not date publicly. That’s a fact. His company prefers to keep all relationships under wraps to avoid the risk of fan backlash if ever these relationships are revealed.

            I, myself, prefer this setup because I do not want my personal relationships revealed either. At this time in my life, I just want my one true _namja_ who’ll be there for me. To protect me, care for me, and to fight off my demons for me.

            “Of course I’ll still read it,” Kangin answered while showing that cute boyish smile under a black snapback.

            “Okay. It’s a short story about a couple on a date.”

            “Hmm. Sounds familiar,” he was smiling again. “… since when do you write love stories?”

            “Read it now and tell me what you think,” I laughed and handed him the three-page printout of my article.

            “Give me a few minutes,” he started reading while reaching for a handful of popcorn placed on the car’s dashboard.

            “’Kay… I’ll just go to the park’s restroom while you read. I really need to pee,” I told him and left.

            It was still breezy and colder outside the car. The long walk to and from the public restroom made my skin tingle each time the wind hits my body. The park is usually deserted at this hour. Something most couples like because it allows maximum privacy.

            _Maybe he’ll kiss me this time._ I thought to myself as I walked back to the car. We have been going out for almost a month now. But I do not want to seem promiscuous or initiate things this time. Perhaps having a sweet kiss is not so much to wish for at this point of our relationship.

            I was still smiling shyly from my teenage-like daydreams when I reached an empty car.

            “Kangin-oppa?!” I called out to the other side of the SUV when I finally let myself inside the relatively warmer environment. I glanced around and found my story printout in the driver’s seat, my Iphone propped on top of it, and our bags still in the backseat.

            Suddenly, the passenger’s door to my side swung open, cold air rushes in, startling me as I turned around.

           “Oh, you’re back! Oppa, where’d you go?” I almost shouted while clutching his calloused hands from the fright.

            To this, he just smiles. The chilly wind gently ruffling his blonde hair. And oh that smile, so cute and so…

            The next thing I know, his cool, soft lips were into mine. It laid there forever until I resolved to breathe. And smile. Oh how I do not want to pull away but…

            Just then the sound of another set of doors crunching and the driver’s side door opened. I turned and Kangin-oppa was suddenly there.

            “I had to take a call. It’s for my surprise to you,” he says while quickly turning the ignition on. “Please close the door, we’re leaving.” He must’ve seen that I was still stuck frozen in shyness that he reaches out to my side of the car door to close it.

            “Oh. Okay. Yes.” I managed to let out after springing out of the haze. _How could this guy just do that and now act as if nothing happened?!_

            “Honey, I’ve finished reading your article. It’s captivating, a fresh voice,” he says while U-turning out of the park.

            “Really think so? You don’t have to sugarcoat it,” I warned him. I was still thinking of the kiss. If he could play this act-like-nothing-happened-scheme, I could too. “I know I don’t write flowery, candy, love story stuff, I write political editorials. I’m an investigative journalist for chrissakes. So just tell me.”

            “Okay. I know.” He looked at me hard, probably thinking that I’m just worked up from his nonchalant reaction to my article.

            “So...?”

            “It’s tough but very driven, smart, and convincing. The senators who’ll read that will surely take off their caps, throw it off across their desks and quit playing golf all at the same breath. And that part where you mentioned Senator S… was that really true what he’s done? I knew he was dimwit from the start… Glad I didn’t vote for him. I do think that you should get security detail from now on though…”

            This made me smile. Only Kangin will tell me that. Especially in my profession where I get to write about the hard stuff of this country in its number one broadsheet, I am happy I have him.

            “Haha. Thanks for reading it. Really.” Our eyes met awkwardly and we both smiled at each other. “Anyhow, speaking of caps… You looked really great earlier when you did not have your cap on.” I told him as I blushingly recalled the previous incident.

            “Really?” He sounded flattered, his eyes showing a curious gleam. “Tell me, when did I have no cap on? Did you watch our perfs? It must’ve been because of the hair.” He was blabbing now. A sign that he must have no clue at all.

            “No. Awhile ago at the park,” I answered shyly. “Right after I went to the restroom… when you stood here by the passenger door.”

            We were now at a parking lot of a restaurant in downtown Seoul. Astonishingly, it was still open even at the late hour.

            “We’re here,” Kangin announced and we got off the car.

            “Funny. I don’t remember removing my snapbacks tonight though,” he continued mumbling to himself but loud enough that I could still hear him. “… Didn’t even get a chance to open your side of the car door. Tsk where has all my chivalry gone too.”

            Kangin then reach out for my right hand leading the way to the restaurant. His hands were warm and soft, reassuring and strong.

            “Wow, this night is full of surprises,” Smiling bemusedly towards him, I held his real hand tighter.

            I feel queasy, like I’m about to faint.

            Who – or what – did I kiss earlier tonight?

           

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Leeteuk

“Do you think I should wear this A-line black mini-dress… or, this balloon printed skirt and that off-shoulder black blouse?” I asked my bestfriend Jesi who was giving me the look while stuffing gobbles of popcorn in her mouth.

“WHAT?” I couldn’t take the silent treatment anymore.

“You’re in the pit too deep,” she cleared her throat. “With this rate you’re both going… Gaaah… I don’t even wanna think about this!!!”

“Huh?” I crossed my hands across my chest. “Come on, tell me. What’re you talking about?”

“It’s your eyes.”

“My eyes? Oh you’re being weird again. Of course my eyes are puffy because we watched Miracle on Cell No. 7 last night!” I chided her while still deciding on what to wear. “Now, please , please help me choose which outfit to wear. “Jungsoo is gonna be here soon...”

“That is what I’m talking about!” Jesi suddenly shouted. There she was at it again. She must’ve seen my annoyance when she added: “That thing with your eyes and your smile when you talk about or just think about Park Jungsoo! I can freakin’ tell. And him, he’s been messaging me nonstop too, asking questions about you. And don’t deny the almost every other day flowers he sends you and your Mom! At this rate…”

Now, there was my bestfriend. I suddenly hugged her which somehow muffled her adorable hysterics. “Awww.”

“I’m really gonna miss you when you become Mrs. Park Jungsoo,” she continued mumbling beneath our hug.

“Oh, sssshhh, what are you talking about. It’s too early for that. We’ve only been a couple for what – two months… and two weeks and two days, and maybe 16 hours… so… It’s too early. Really. Besides, I still need to finish school and choose a dress for tonight. That is more important. ‘Coz I feel it’s gonna be special.”

“Yah! That’s what I’m talking about again!” Jesi swiftly jerked away from me but still clutching both my shoulders. “You’re keeping count of the days and each nanosecond, you lovesick creep! Just like your boyfriend who messaged me if I have any suggestions for your 2 months, 2 weeks, 2 days, 2 hours, 2 seconds anniversary dinner date!

“Omo, you both need medications for your addled brains,” she said while shaking her head. “Now, I really recommend that black dress so that he can pounce on you the moment you open that door.”

“Wha – ?”

“Oh, I’m no fool you two. But, but, it’s not suitable to the place you are going to.” Jesi was now standing across the room and tossing me the balloon skirt and black blouse instead.

I didn’t protest and started to get dressed. Then while finishing up my make-up, I asked: “So, did oppa tell you where we’re going later?”

“You know I promised not to tell you,” she rebutted.

I made a big frown face in front of her.

“Don’t be sad, Jani-ah,” she was weirdly reassuring after the hysterics earlier. “You’re gonna love it this time.”

To this, I just nodded. Surprises just makes me queasy. But I know my bestfriend. And Jesi knows me better than myself for most of my life. Well now, there’s Jungsoo too.

“Now, you’re at it again. Those eyes just says it all,” Jesi told me off again but this time she was genuinely happily laughing at me, or whatever she sees in my eyes when I think about Jungsoo.

Then the doorbell rang.

“It’s oppa. I need to go Jesi-ah,” I grabbed my purse and gave her a final hug as we both walked to the door.

“Jani – wait!” she called as I opened the door out. “Enjoy, okay?”

“Of course,” I smiled back at her as she hugged me this time. “Why does this feel some kind of a send-off, I’m only going on a date for a few hours.”

“Always smile and show your happy eyes to anyone you meet… or not,” she continues hugging me.

On the other side of the opened door, I could see Jungsoo in his splendid self. White suit and matching black pants in shiny black shoes. Then those eyes. Sparkly, shining, smiling. Is that what Jesi also sees in my eyes?

“Annyeong ladies,” he spoke and held his right hand in a still jiggle for a wave. “I’m sorry to interrupt.”

“No, we are set!” It was Jesi who answered and pushed me out of the door. “She’s all ready… take care of her oppa.”

“I sure will. And thanks, Jes.” Jungsoo held out his hand for mine. “Bye.”

“See you later, Jesi-ah!” I said while the elevator opened, “Don’t worry; we’ll both take our meds right before we eat!” I managed to blurt out, slightly giggling, just before the elevator door closed on us. Too bad, I couldn’t see the reaction on Jesi’s face; she must have been laughing at the reference to our earlier conversation.

“What was that about?” Jungsoo asked when we were safely out of earshot.

“Ah, just some joke she told me earlier.” Even inside the elevator with the privacy of just the two of us, I still somehow feel self-conscious. I wondered then if I’m smiling like a loon, oblivious to myself, just like what Jesi said. And whether Jungsoo sees this in me too.

“You look really great tonight, Jani-ah,” His words sending shockwaves to my spine. Gosh, those are just even words.

“Thanks,” I answered shyly. “You don’t look bad yourself.”

“I almost said something greasier, you know,” he teased back. “Come here, I haven’t given you a kiss tonight.”

“Oh?!” I raised an eyebrow as he pulled me closer and planted a long kiss in my right cheek. My stomach was doing somersaults now.

“It’s going to be a special dinner tonight,” he casually whispered to my ear.

We were disturbed as the elevator stopped on the 19th floor and engulfed a family of five. The riot of the family kept Jungsoo and I silent towards the ride. Yet I could still feel his purposeful hands squeeze into mine.

 

“So, where are we eating tonight?” I excitedly asked Jungsoo once we were inside his car, cruising through Seoul’s night streets.

“Guess,” he said, smiling cheekily.

“The Khans?” I offered. He has mentioned this new fusion restaurant in the past week.

“Eeeehh,” he said in a pretend buzzer beep sound.

“Oh, how about… a candlelit dinner at N Seoul Tower?” I was now facing him, very eager to find out. “I know you have something special planned. Jesi told me, you know.”

“Well…” he began. “Yeah. Something special indeed.”

I tsked at him exaggeratingly. “Come on, tell me please. I just want to know what to expect…”

“Don’t worry. You’ll see.” Was all he replied.

“You even asked Jesi about it,” I couldn’t lose this one I thought to myself. “I know you’re dying to tell me too… I can see it in your eyes… Come on, it’s just the name of a restaurant. It’s only fair…” I trailed off as we pulled up in front of a condominium building.

“Okay. We’re having dinner with my family…” he finally said and removed the keys to the car’s ignition.

“… at your house.” I muttered.

“It’s fine, right?” Jungsoo looked at me unsurely. “Jesi said you’ll be…”

“Oh no. No, no, no, no, no. No.” My brain was whirring. “I am not ready for this. No, I am ready. But not tonight. I haven’t been prepared. What if… my dress... my hair… Nooo… Oppa, please, let’s not do this yet. Let’s go back next week, or the week after that, next month, or next year will do. I’ll get ready. And I’ll bring flowers and cake or … or something…” I kept on mumbling and imploring him. I know this would come but I am not on the meet your mother-in-law stage yet.

“I am not overreacting. It’s just that…” My heart rate was now going over 150 beats per minute now, I was quite sure.

“This is exactly what Jesi said,” Jungsoo-oppa held both my trembling hands. “You’ll get so worked up if I tell you beforehand. So, it’s just better to face it quick and fast.”

I stared at him blankly, my heart nowhere in sight.

Then he smiles. Those pleading eyes. My heart is back there on my ribcage once again.

“You’ll do this for me, please?” he asked. “I know this is an important thing in any relationship. You are important to me. My family is too. That’s why you all need to meet and see each other. Just relax. Please?”

 

“You should really have told me beforehand. I could’ve at least made some dessert.” I scolded him while waiting for the apartment door to open. I was much calmer now but still utterly feel like this is some kind of an out of body experience “It’s entirely your fault if I faint in there. I’m so nervous. Aaaah!”

“You’re really cute when you’re nervous, Jani-ah,” he teased, perhaps trying to make me less anxious.

His mother and sister greeted us. Inyoung-unnie chatted with me for a few minutes while Jungsoo-oppa went to the kitchen to help out with this mother. I offered to help but they refused to let me do anything, forcing me to just sit around the living room instead.

“You must really be special,” she told me. “You’re the first girl that Jungsoo brought here since… ever.”

“What? Really?” I find this hard to believe. “Don’t exaggerate, Unnie.”

“I’m not! He dated a few girls before. But he never brought them home.”

“Oh.” I smiled.

“I'm really glad that you’re there for my brother, Jani-ah. I just hope that with his job, his life and his traits and little quirks, you’ll understand and love him more.” His sister was suddenly hugging me and silently tearing up.

I knew their family has been through a difficult time in the past year with the death of their parent and grandparents; and I certainly felt empathetic to this. This made me genuinely feel for Jungsoo, making me think that whatever we have together, I also would want that to last and deepen. I hope he wouldn’t hurt me and I wouldn’t hurt him either. With the sudden heart to heart talk, I somehow felt relief when Jungsoo’s mother came out from the kitchen.

“Hello, Jani-ah,” she still greeted me with a hug even if we’ve already been introduced earlier.

“Good evening too, Mrs. Park.” I bowed to her again.

“Inyoung-ah, go help set the table. Everything’s ready… And just call me Eomma,” the last part was directed to me.

“Okay. Yes… uh… Eomma,” I said awkwardly.

“Good. I really thank you for coming to dinner. I am so happy.” Her eye wrinkles and laugh lines were so close to my face I thought she was going to kiss me in glee. That was when she hugged me. Real tight, like how Inyoung-unnie did earlier. Just like how a mother hugs her child.

This action perhaps erased all my earlier jitters and nervousness. The affection this family shows not just to me but to each other is certainly endearing.

She was saying something before pulling out of the hug but I couldn’t make out any of it. She probably had mentioned Jungsoo or something. Jungsoo-eomma then pushed me towards their quaint dining room. The table was all set; filled with rice, side dishes and other sumptuous-looking food I could gulp down now yet do not know the names of. There was even red wine. We said grace and started eating.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t bring anything tonight,” I mentioned to Jungsoo-eomma. “I didn’t really know I was coming here until a few minutes ago.”

“It’s okay dear,” she replied. “Jungsoo told us about your situation. “When you come back though, I’ll expect baked chicken fritters.”

“Huh?!” I gasped and looked at Jungsoo. He knows I don’t even cook rice. “Um, okaaay.”

“She’s kidding,” Jungsoo laughs along with her mom and sister.

“Don’t worry. I didn’t know squat when I married. I’ll teach you to cook if you come by often,” she said.

What is this, the ever agreeable future mother-in-law? This thought just made me smile further inside.

The dinner proceeded unevently. Jungsoo-eomma and Inyoung-unnie alternately went to the kitchen to fetch second helpings and other dishes or they talk to each other more loudly about jobs, their neighbors and sometimes asked Jungsoo about Super Junior activities.

“Umm... Are we expecting other relatives? I see there are more placemats set,” I casually asked Jungsoo while stuffing a lettuce rice ball in my mouth.

“Yes,” he answered, also while continuously eating.

“…Father’s coming. ‘e said he’ll come home earlier today. ‘e should be here any minute now. And you’ll finally meet.”

I dropped my chopsticks on the floor. “What?”

“He’s alright, won’t bite, don’t be nervous… and I know you’ve met Pop and Gran in the living room earlier.”

“Living room?” I turned to Jungsoo’s mother and Inyoung’s direction, thinking I must only be mishearing all these, but they were conveniently not in their seats.

“It’s okay. They already ate and will just join Father later too. Did halabeoji tell you embarrassing stories about me? He always does that.” Jungsoo went on and on beside me.

“But… last ye…they were in an accident last year, right, Oppa?”

“Yes, but they’re in a better place now…,” he replied, holding both my cold hands. I turned to him and saw his eyes on me. That bright, shining thing which seems to come off from a faraway happy place. Then he smiles.

“And they’re alive and well,” he said.

I just blinked back at him.


End file.
